We have not learned how our emotional world works . The tendency that we usually play is that we have inherited it due to lack of emotional intelligence. Yes, our culture has devoted a lot of energy to intellectual knowledge but basically 0 to understanding how your emotional world works. In my experience, this is such a fundamental jump to experience life in peace and self-fulfillment. In addition to building healthy and nurturing relationships.
So that habitual tendency is to play a quick reaction when your emotional world is triggered by a feeling of discomfort, insecurity, fear or emotional pain. We adopt a behavior or attitude trying to avoid feeling that discomfort.
That reaction is already a disconnection from what is happening inside of you. That is actually the intention. So, to begin with you lack intimacy with yourself. What kind of intimacy can you have with the other if you are actually disconnected from an armor? Also, this reaction often points out, perhaps blames, judges, tries to change the other, etc.
So, the fact is that we have within us these emotional insecurities, fear and pain that will be triggered in life. Close or intimate relationships are more likely to trigger them. Then we come with that reaction. There are many possibilities that you can use to try to deal with the uncomfortable feeling. It can be more fiery, passive aggressive, isolating, or in many different ways. Be that as it may, that is not an opening and a sharing from the heart, from your vulnerability. That is often a way of disconnecting from your truth.
This will not generate an opening of the other’s heart. In reality, it will usually activate its own armor. Armor calls for armor. The opening offers the possibility of relating from the opening.
The good news is that if you meet your feelings, your emotional world, you may discover that there is an inner space that can accommodate your feelings, whatever they are. As you discover more and more your ability to be with your feelings, you trust more and more that you do not need to react and quickly escape with the consequent disconnection of your interior and point out or victimize yourself. You can share your heart and at the same time enjoy intimacy with yourself and with each other.
If you want to explore more or go deeper, you can contact me and I will be happy to offer you support.
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